I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
