You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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