tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
