I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We got so high we made milksteak
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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