talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
