no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
