Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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