i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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