We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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