So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize