She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
