my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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