my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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