You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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