I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
