i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
