Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
