Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
