Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
