yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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