I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
