Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
