Got a toothbrush?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
