You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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