There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
