Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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