She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
