You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
