Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize