I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
