remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
