That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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