I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
