p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
