If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
