you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
