i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
