You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize