Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
