So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
