Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
