you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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