Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
