that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
