I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
