he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
