At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My balls are so social today.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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