the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
