dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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