I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
