If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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