You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I looked at my own cervix.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
