i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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