So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You can't motorboat a personality
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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