I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
