it hurts more in the daytime
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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