I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
