Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
