when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
