at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
