I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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