Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
