I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
