im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
