tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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