They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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