the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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