the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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